Balloon popping, mouldy food eating, crying in bed, nude shower scenes? ‘Nothing left to lose!’ So what is this debut single, FEARLESS all about then!?
When writing a song I try to think about my own thoughts and feelings around a subject, with this one it was (bit of give away in the title) the concept of fear. I’ve spent countless hours doubting my own abilities and being afraid to fail/succeed. This was for me a massive leap of faith into being a solo artist.
It’s funny how much you rely on other people for things when you’re part of a team, of course two heads are better than one, so are three, four and so on… I just think you happen to relax into a comfort zone if you don’t push yourself.
The hardest thing when stepping up like this is overcoming your fear. Playing on stage for the first time was extremely nerve wracking, I remember my fingers not wanting to move off the strings of the guitar, because as soon as they did they started doing this weird knuckle spasm and didn’t want to go back where I needed them to.
I had to face up to the fears I had. I got over it by working harder in rehearsals but also, weirdly enough, by standing up! Before that I was sitting down and I didn’t realise that if I stood up all that nervous energy could transfer to my legs where I could kind of jiggle and move a little.
Then I had to realise this cold hard fact,
Nerves of both fear and excitement create the same physical sensations in the human body, so next time you’re scared, just try to say to yourself, ‘I’m looking forward to this’
After this I was feeling very pumped at every show, of course more practise and actual exposure got me to a point where I could focus in the moment more. Spend more time enjoying and less time worrying.
Whilst there’s still a lot of room for improvement in my performances, I feel so much happier now, I think I also got into the right headspace by reminding myself that not everyone will actually like what you do, another cold hard one but hey, as long as I’m loving it, that’s what counts.
Seen the video and erm...
Someone told me they thought the video for Fearless had a ‘horror movie’ quality about it. Funnily enough, I’ve always been big on movies and I guess, since this has a sort of biographical context about it, it kind of is a worst nightmare kind of horror to it!
Simply put, the story behind this movie is about someone who lives in a groundhog day cycle, where they are constantly destroying the happiness in their lives, behaving how they think others want them to be and they keep swallowing these negative energies which makes them sick but they keep on going round and round until finally, they either change or they go past the point of no return.
Imagine all the fear at once, if you try to take control – you won’t so don’t fight the feeling of it.”
Believe it or not, I can be a coward. Too many times I’ve gone down roads knowing full well this isn’t where I want to be. I even kidded myself that this was my destiny, that I had no choice in my own future. I would drink myself to black out and run away from things that seemed scary to confront. I even wracked up debt and hurt a lot of people along the way.
A mate of mine said to me, ‘you don’t know what’s good for you’, they were right, I didn’t know, but you know what, I’m proud to say that now I do. Or at the very least I’m trying to live a balanced life.
But here’s the reality, I’m a 38 year old man, who is still in debt since my 20’s, I have to work a full time office job and don’t have as much time as I’d like to work on my music ‘career’, the cycle that I have put myself in has been destructive for so many years and until recently I’ve woken up to myself. Realised that I was still acting like a boy and needed to grow up very fast!
So FEARLESS is a note to myself, of all the doubt and fear and cowardice I’ve put myself through, no more! Stepping up (slowly but surly) inspired by my heroes in music!
*The scenes in the showers, yeah, I’ve been there, spent hours in showers crying and feeling sorry for myself. I’m only sharing this with you because I don’t wish it on anyone, if you ever feel like you’re in a similar situation – come talk to me! I’d be more than happy to listen and share what strategies helped me.
Mental health is a huge issue, I know, I know, you’ve heard it all before… But honestly, how many of us have been there? Almost everyone right? So we need to remind ourselves of that, when we were at our lowest or in a dark place, how did we recover or get out of it? Perhaps it’s as easy as taking a relaxing bath and getting a good night sleep for some. For others it’s a bit more, effected by foods or certain situations which have chemical impacts or physical reactions. For some it is beyond these things, ever felt hopeless? I know I have, after break ups with friends and lovers, after losing family members, some feel this way constantly…
*Ultimately looking after mental health comes down to mindfulness, not only of others (swings and roundabouts etc!) but also being mindful for yourself too, sometimes we all have to stop and ask ourselves, is what I’m doing really good for me!?
…It isn’t as easy as just ‘asking yourself’ or ’snapping out of it’, it can lead to bigger issues, depression and suicidal thoughts, some people will even turn to drugs and alcohol.