I cannot sleep, blood streams is on my mind…
To be honest, this happens a lot. I’d love to say that it’s my creative brain, sometimes it is, but most of the time it’s my anxious nature.
When the imagination festers and we know we should really log out because we’ve got to be up in 3 hours to get ready for work, the anxious clan really do find it impossible to doze off.
I really do try and a lot of the time I’m using an app or the iPhone’s clock to guide my sleep cycles. I find that can really help.
I’m not even going to blame the UK’s rule of the clocks going back, so technically it is only 2:44 (at the time of writing this, posting always comes later, got to check my spelling and give myself a buffer to assess risk of over sharing)
In actual fact, it’s almost 4am and I need to get up at 7 to log on for my day job early this morning, I have a hospital appointment at 10am, so I need to catch up on any weekend emails before I leave at 9am to make it.
Literary suspense aside and to get straight to the point, I’ve been diagnosed with Type 1 – Haemocromatosis, which is a blood disorder that leads to iron overload in the blood, if left untreated then this can damage the internal organs and of course that isn’t nice. Luckily it’s been spotted early and the likelihood is my innards are gonna be winners – but I have a scan tomorrow and my brain is playing games with me, making me wonder if the scan will reveal anything else nasty.
The good thing is, whenever my brain teases me like this I kind of fight back in my own way, which is to plan and concoct some ambitious project, so I’ve spent a lot of the early hours with my witches brew and stewing up ‘Arron Sans – Album No.2’
A few of the tracks I’ve been writing have been a bit more punk-like, perhaps it’s the rage bubbling up from witnessing 12 years of suffering under this UK government, Putin’s atrocities in Ukraine going for 8 long months without any real intervention or repercussions from the rest of the world, the stark evidence of climate crisis ravaging the planet and yet the powers that be continue to cut away the lungs of this beautiful pearl we call home. Too many go sick and hungry, I don’t believe I’m an activist, I’m just an artist at heart who wants the powers that be to do whats right, if my art-form can inspire those who are capable of leading revolutions and sustainably, morally sound and ethical growth for the whole world then I feel like I’m doing my part.
P.S. I don’t even like tofu that much, I love bacon and I read the guardian but also zombie away some afternoons on netflix, so don’t worry I’m fully aware of how I’m a fallible human.
So much so that even my jeans don’t fit me and my genes are mutated…
I’m not down on this recent diagnosis, I am however very sensitive to how I can and in the past have let myself down by drinking too much or gorging myself on the tasty things.
For anyone who is curious, the treatment for this condition is to ‘let blood flow’, so every few weeks I’ll be giving up a pint (just under) of blood for as long as necessary (poss up to 1 year) until my iron levels are brought down to a steady norm and then after that it will be a few times each year to maintain the level. I’ll be able to continue enjoying food and drink but in moderation. I certainly feel like I’ve spent a lot of my 20’s and 30’s enjoying to the max and so I don’t feel like I’ve missed out or anything like that.
It also got me thinking that perhaps I’ll start getting myself into better shape. Like I said, these midnight rambles in the mind are very often like a review of new year’s revolutions, so I see them as a positive.
Even though in the weird world of the subconscious I’m kinda bricking it that the scan tomorrow might give me a fright, and typically for halloween no less! While I know that’s just my melodrama power flexing it latched on and has kept me up all night.
But sharing this with you, taking the time to write it out and sort of ‘let it go’, I’m feeling sleepy now, so I think I’m going to give the sheep another count and perhaps then I’ll hit the Zzz’s.
Take care of yourself, make sure you’re not bottling anything up either, coz trust me, I know how that kind of crap can wriggle in the ol’ noodle! Night!
I’m lucky to have Belenchuk by my side, always supporting me, always making me laugh. If you ever feel you’re struggling then please-please shout, we’ll both do our best to share some of that with you!
Your support means the world to me, you have no idea!
I’m truly grateful for it, please keep sharing the content and streaming the music, every play, every like has a huge impact on helping me to grow. The more who get involved the greater this can become. We need to work together.